Plan B...or C...or D

So, last Friday, Eric and I went in for our routine doctor appt. with Dr. Kamsheh. I was up at about 5 a.m. with these pains every few minutes. I felt nauseus and just yucky. So I just sat around, waiting for the appt. at 10 a.m. It felt like FOREVER!!!!
I told Dr. Kamsheh that I thought I was having contractions. He checked my cervix (OWWWW!!) and I was dialated to one. So he hooked me and the babies up to monitors, and sure enough, (like Old Faithful as Eric said), the contractions were coming every five minutes. Dr. Kamsheh sent us to the hospital.
SIDEBAR: I was pretty freaked out on the way to the hospital. Not in the mood for jokes. But apparently, my husband stole some latex gloves at the clinic. So he turns to me and says, "Don't worry. If we don't make it, I can deliver the babies...as he's now driving with the bright purple latex gloves on......that's my baby!!!
Once at the hospital, they hooked me up to more monitors...and I kept having contractions. Note: to those people who told me they didn't even know they were having contractions...YOU ARE CRAZY!!!! I felt them and they are not pleasant.
The OB doctor on call, who was wonderful, said the only way she could tell if I was, in fact, in labor, or just contracting, was to check my cervix. It was still at one, so she sent me home with pain medication. And for the first time in months, I actually slept! It was wonderful! The contractions stayed constant until Saturday morning and I've been having them intermittently since then.
And I was literally in bed until yesterday afternoon, when we were supposed to have the amnio done.
Well, long, complicated story short, we did NOT have the amnio yesterday. We decided to move the C-section date to April 4. But if God wants me to have them sooner, then I will...just not with Dr. Kamsheh.
We did have an ultrasound yesterday though, and the babies are HUGE! Almost 7 pounds each! No wonder if hurts to even move! One is 6 pounds, 12 ounces, the other is 6 pounds, 15 ounces!!! So, I have about 14 pounds of baby in my belly. And I've gained 82 pounds now.
Needless to say, I'm not a happy camper and I had a complete and utter breakdown yesterday, after all the madness. Eric is great, and we worked through all of the scariness we are both feeling. It's just so hard to be in this "not know" stage.
I know most mothers-to-be are very confident and happy and stress free, but this is the most frightening time in my life. I just want these babies to be healthy and I want them to stay in until their lungs are developed and I want everything with the C-section to go well, and I want to be able to see my belly button when I look down.
So, as of today, I have a week and day before their birthday. I'll keep praying.

The Price of Children

I've been meaning to post this for several months now. Right after Eric and I found out about the twins, Annemarie sent this to us.

The Price of Children
This government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! This doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
$8,896 a year,
$741.38 a month,
$171.08 a week.

That's a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140?

Naming rights. First, middle and last!
Glimpses of God every day.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up.
You get to:
finger-paint,
carve pumpkins,
play hide-and-seek,
catch lighting bugs and
never stop believing in Santa Claus

You have an excuse to:
keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
watching Saturday morning cartoons,
going to Disney movies, and
wishing on starts.
You get to frame rainbows, hearts and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collects spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
taking the training wheels off a bike,
removing a splinter,
filling a wading pool,
coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the:
first step,
first word,
first bra,
first date, and
first time behind the wheel

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits.

So, one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price.

All of that times two!!!

Big Mama

So, here's the latest picture of me and the twins, taken last week, week 33, by Eric.

And yes, I feel as miserable as I look.

Now, when I look back at the photo of my belly from 28 weeks, I almost look skinny in that photo. It's pretty funny actually.

I feel like one of those offensively obese people who doesn't really realize how fat they are until someone shows them a picture of themselves....obviously this is a good fat, but it was still quite shocking, let me tell you! My mom just laughed and said, "Oh my goodness."

We are taking it one day at a time...actually, one hour at a time is probably more accurate. I'm getting more anxious as the days go on. I'm feeling like I have so much left to do before my life completely changes, but no energy to do any of it.

My nights are almost completely sleepless at this point. Can you die of insomnia? Guess I'll find out. I'm still hoping that the 28th is the date, because I can't possibly go any longer...can I?

But, as always, I would certainly do anything for two healthy babies.

Change of plans

So, we went to the doctor today. Besides feeling completely miserable, everything was good. And we found out that we may NOT be having the babies on March 28, as planned.
Instead, on March 26, I will be having an amniocentesis...however that's spelled....to test the babies' lung maturity. If the lungs are mature, then we'll go ahead as planned, and have the babies on the 28th. If not, then Dr. Kamsheh said he wants to wait another week.
Even though Eric and I both think it's a good idea, I'm truly at my wits end. I feel like a beached whale...and that's no fun for anyone at 818 Washburn Ave. I've gained 75 pounds now and just moving is painful...I have nothing good to say today...except that the babies are growing and I'm excited to finally meet them.
Eric keeps telling them to come out and play....and then I whisper to them, "Not yet...."

Bed Rest, Day Three

AHHH!!! This is really tough. I'm supposed to be resting up and doing nothing, but I just can't! How many times in my life have I said I needed a vacation? Well, now I have one of sorts, and it's miserable...but that's because I'm carrying around an extra 70 plus pounds and I'm in pain most of the time and I'm worried about my babies and my husband (because he's been so wonderful, I don't want him to start resenting me).
I can't stop thinking about work...or the C-section, or motherhood and I haven't been sleeping at all. I just need to relax and stop complaining and that's really tough to do.
Guinness just looks at me like, "What is wrong with you lady. You used to be able to actually move."
When Eric comes home from the gym, I make him tell me all the boring details of the whole trip...right down to how his muscles burned on the 25th rep of bicep curls. I'm so jealous to get back to the gym....so I can sweat and get all the bad mojo out.
Kasi is coming in tonight for the weekend, from NYC. I'm so excited to see her. I told her that I won't be able to do much, but if she wants to push me around in a wheelchair, we may be able to go somewhere. She laughed maniacally....not sure I like that.
I am currently reading a great book, though, called "Eat. Pray. Love." And, of course, everytime I put it down, I begin to fret because I feel like I'll never be able to read abook again....could I be any more dramatic??

Birthday

Today we had our 32 week ultrasound. Jackson is 5 pounds! Addison is 4 pounds, 13 ounces! They are growing very well. I have 10 pounds of baby inside me!
The doctor finally said enough is enough and put me on bed rest starting Monday.
And we have a birthday set. March 28 at noon, the babies will be born via C-section.
That's only about 3 weeks away and there is a lot going through our brains right now. It just feels really real......