Baby Guinness

Well, Jackson was a doozy yesterday. I got up for work...and got right back into bed. It was the worst day yet as far as sickness...(I'm not even going to say Morning Sickness because that's a flat out lie!)
So, Eric went to work and left me with Guinness. All day long, Guinness followed me around, which he never does. If I was laying on the couch, he was laying on the floor next to me. If I was laying in bed, he jumped up and laid right on top of me (I didn't have the energy to tell him no. Plus, he's so darn cute!)
Eric thinks Guinness can sense the baby...I don't know about that, but he's certainly acting strangely. It's like he's looking for the baby and can't find him. I think he thinks I'm hiding something from him. It's pretty funny.

I didn't realize those heels were so narrow....

It's fun to see my parents' reactions to me being pregnant.
My dad will often bend over and talk to Jackson, AKA my stomach. I hope he doesn't do it in public before I start showing, because then people will just think he's crazy...more crazy I should say. But I did appreciate him scolding Jackson for making Mama sick.
My mom is so funny. Like yesterday, I went to their house after work to sew some curtains and when I left, she actually told me to be careful on the front steps and then told me that I shouldn't be wearing the shoes I had on because "you're a mom-to-be and those heels are too narrow."
When did I stop being the young professional whose clothes she liked and become the soon-to-be mom whose shoes are just not appropriate any longer?
It's cute...strange and odd, but cute nonetheless.

Bridezilla's got nothin' on me

So, I know there's something called a Bridezilla. I was not one of them, as several people told me.
BUT, I bet one very important person, Eric, would tell you that if there is such a thing as a "Mom-to-be-zilla," my picture would be in the dictionary.
I just can't figure it all out, and I'm the type of person who likes to have EVERYTHING figured out. I'm not really one of those go-with-the-flow people, unless I'm on vacation.
I'm not feeling very well, which is the biggest problem. I'm finding that little things take more time and energy than they used to and I stress about them because I feel like, when the baby is born, all of the little things will have bigger implications.
My mind is swimming with thoughts and last Saturday I hit my head on an open cabinet door, which hurt like H-E-double hockey sticks (I'm trying to work on the whole swearing thing, lest I give birth to a sailor)! I wondered how on Earth I will be a good mom when I'm so clumsy that I hit my head on an open cabinetdoor...what if I forgot to do something important and the baby gets hurt?
I guess it's just a lot to think about, and I'll get it all figured out at some point.
Eric, I'm sorry. I love you very much!

What if it's not a Jackson

On our jog last night, Eric and I discussed the possibility that our precious Jackson might be an Addison...and what if she finds out that we thought and expected her to be a boy the whole time I was pregnant.
Would she be harmed emotionally? Would she be mad at us? Would she feel unwanted?
These are questions that I don't ever want to answer.
But I gave it a shot.
I told Eric, "Simple. We just won't tell her about the blog until she's 18, well-adjusted and happy."
I think he laughed for half a mile........

...This ain't too much fun

OK...so I'm really over this whole morning sickness thing. I spend most of every day being queasy and it's NOT fun. And it's not only in the morning. If I see one more Saltine cracker, I think I'm going to scream!
Last night, when I got home from work, and saying See You Later to Sashi, I decided to try something other than food to tame my tummy - jogging. I mean, pre-Jackson, exercising was a great cure-all for lots of things, so I wanted to find out if it also works for morning sickness.
I think Eric was a little tentative about it, especially after 60 seconds of warm-up WALKING, because I was already breathing hard...his face said, "Holy crap woman, are you going to die?" But his mouth simply said, "Are you OK?"
I was actually feeling pretty good. I mean, I was moving very slowly, but moving nonetheless. Guinness looked at me a little crazy too, like, "Come ON lady. Who are you?"
Eric and I split up halfway into the run...so he could actually run for awhile. I took Guinness and we headed home.
And then the rain started...Guinness and I got pelted with either hard rain or tiny hail bits. Either way, I thought for sure we were going to get struck by lightening on our trudge through the woods and over the train tracks back home.
But we made it. And I felt OK. I made dinner, hung some pictures and stayed up until after 10 p.m.
BUT....about 1:15 a.m. I thought I was going to puke - news flash right. I laid there and waited until I felt like I could make it to the kitchen without first stopping at the toilet. I poured myself a bowl of Frosted Flakes (thanks to Lyndsey who left them behind when she went back to school), and went back to bed.
I got up every hour after that to go potty and before I knew it, it was time to get up for work.
I did read in my pregnancy book that morning sickness is a sign of a healthy pregnancy. So, bottom line, it's worth it!

Daddy-to-be

Last night, when I got home from Denver, I thought Eric was pregnant. I didn't feel good, so long about 8 p.m. I crawled into bed...as did he....and who do you think was asleep before 9??? You guessed it. The Daddy-to-be! If he wasn't so darn cute, I might have been mad (SMILE!)

Denver

Well, Jackson took his first trip on an airplane -- in utero! He handled himself well for the most part. Mama was a little nervous about the plane ride, but everything was OK!
He even met mamma's friends Lynnea and Annemarie. But we had to delay our dinner with Annemarie because Jackson must have been too nervous to meet her....he made Mamma sick...again!
I had to tell Annemarie over the phone that I'm pregnant, instead of in person like I was hoping...I mean, I had to explain to her why I couldn't come over for dinner. I thought telling her I just didn't feel good wouldn't cut it.
She was excited about the baby!
When I did finally see Annemarie, she and I called Megs and told her, which was fun! The three of us are planning a girls weekend and Megs was hoping for Miami or New Orleans, but Annemarie decided Minneapolis, and helping me with the nursery would be good. How thoughtful. And next year, when she's pregnant, we'll do the same in Denver.
*******
Lynnea and I quickly realized that we are going to have to scale down our hiking trip in November. She, Faye and I have been planning the trip for almost a year, but hiking 12 miles in a day is just not going to work for me and the bambino. She was SO excited too, and was more than willing to change it.
*******
I think Jackson is going to be stubborn. On my first day of class, I forgot to pack a granola bar for a mid-morning snack, so when lunchtime came around, I was ravenous! I took a few bites of the spaghetti, and Jackson immediately let me know how he felt about that! He either doesn't like Italian food, or he was getting back at me because he was so hungry and I didn't feed him. Um, point taken Jackson.

The score: Jackson 300, Mama 0

I'm in week 5, and Jackson is the size of an apple seed. But he's starting to grow all of his organs, which is just plain wild!

Keep the food comin....

9:30 a.m.
Exactly three hours since I ate breakfast of cottage cheese on toast and some bubbly Sprite, I thought I was going to throw up. It came on instantly! But I'm getting smarter, and I had a chewy granola bar at the ready. I ate it and now I'm doing fine. Little Jackson is a stickler for food, boy. He's not even born yet and already he's dictating what I will and will not do.....hello new world.

12:10 p.m.
I went to get some lunch....decided to get some chili from Wendy's. There was something interesting on MPR, so I parked my car in the parking lot and before I knew it, it was 12:34 p.m....I had fallen asleep.

5:30 p.m.
Went to Walgreen's and bought another pregnancy test, just to make sure I was still pregnant. The blue plus sign showed up strong. Without having a doctor confirming it, I just feel like it can't be real...so I take the small joys in life.

King Mutt

Last night, Eric and I rendezvoused at 1009 Russell to tell my parents the good news. We had a very small window of opportunity because Eric had a softball double header and was leaving at 5 p.m. and my parents were going out for the evening at 6 p.m....so we had, like 15 minutes, from 4:45 to 5 p.m.
When I got there, my mom was on the phone with Triple A, disputing a charge. And if I know my mom, that call was going to last awhile. She would get the whole thing resolved before she even thought about ending the call.
I just said, "Mom, can you please hang up."
And she did....who knew?
I dragged her into the livingroom, where my dad and Eric were sitting and I said, "We have a secret."
They just stared at me, like, um, what? So I said, "I'm pregnant!"
It took a second to register...I think. Then my mom said...well, actually, I can't remember what she said, if anything. She started to cry and I remember saying to her, "Are those happy tears?" And she said they were.
Of course the first thing my dad said was, "Does this mean you can't coach basketball?"
"Dad, I'm having a baby," I said. "I'm not dying."
In his eyes, as long as I was still able to coach, it was cool with him.
They gave us both big hugs and we went home.
* * *
When Eric left for the softball games, I took Guinness for a walk. I wasn't planning on taking Guinness, but Eric said I had to because he would protect me (read: the baby).
I had huge ideas of taking him for a LONG, 45-minute walk. But we got to my parents house and I was pooped. I mean, TY-URD! I can NOT believe how tired I was/am. I'm used to doing an hour of cardio and weights and feeling fabulous. Since when does a 10-minute walk exhaust me....this is a change.
I decided to cut the walk short. I went down the alley and was going to head back home. But I forgot about the BIG, HUGE giant of a dog that lives at the end of the alley, that is, until he ran at us, barking. I jumped and my key ring broke. My house key and car key flew to the pavement, and positioned themselves right underneath the dog.
Are you kidding me!!!
This was a problem. The dog wouldn't move.
I ran, yes, ran back to 1009 Russell and banged on the door. My mom came out with a broom. She held Guinness while I swept my keys away from King Mutt.
When I finally got home from my oh-so-stressfree walk, I was ready for a nap.
This will definitely take some getting used to.

I can't wait until September First!

So, I waited until this morning to make a doctor's appointment, because I had to....I found out you can't make your first ob/gyn appointment during the weekend via the appointment hotline.
I just don't think it'll really sink in until someone official tells me I'm pregnant.
I found out this morning that it's not going to sink in until September 1, apparently, because the doctor won't see me until I'm eight to 12 weeks pregnant and the first available appoint is September 1.
Well, that was a shocker! I mean, what am I supposed to do in the meantime. I started taking prenatal vitamins, but I wasn't sure about the medications I'm taking. Some face time with the doctor would really help calm me down.
Yesterday, when I woke up, I took another pregnancy test, just in case....it was positive. Eric and I were giddy all day long. And I was EXHAUSTED! At about 5 a.m., though, I nudged Eric and asked if he would get me a piece of bread because my stomach was unsettled....man, it was the best piece of bread I've ever eaten! We decided we weren't going to tell anyone, but that was really tough. Both of our moms were out of town, but Eric's mom got home so we went over to her house and told her. She gave us both big hugs and said it was really cool (It didn't even bother me that she said it was so soon or that she didn't know if we would ever have children because we like our freedom....talk about freaking out!)
Then we cut some beautiful flowers from her garden and and went home.
This morning, the nurse told me that the pregnancy test(s) I took at home are the same as the one that I'll take at the doctor's office, "So Congratulations!"
That was crazy, and it started to sink in. I had a HUGE smile on my face after that and someone at work asked me why I was so happy! I told her that I had a huge headache and I wasn't having a good day, so I shouldn't be smiling....and she said, "I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant."
I tried to laugh that off....how could she have possibly known. I don't want anyone from work to know yet.
It's like I have this secret that no one else knows about... This amazing little secret that everyone keeps telling me is the coolest thing in the world. Let's hope so!

Lyndsey, can you come here for a second...

So, on Saturday, after our 8 a.m. softball game, during which I misjudged a fly ball in left centerfield, and it flew over my head, I knew something just wasn't right. Plus the fact that for the past week, I've had several near misses with the toilet and trash can as waves of queasiness came over me.
After both the game and taking my anger out on Eric, I decided to leave him at the bar, go home and take a pregnancy test.
When Eric and I got married last October, I told him that I needed five days on the beach before I would think about having his babies...In July, he surprised me with an unbelievably pampered trip to Jamaica. So it was time.
I bought two-pack of Target brand pregnancy tests a couple weeks earlier. When I got home from the softball game, I took the test and watched for three minutes as a blue plus sign, indicating I was pregnant, emerged, ever so faintly. All of the literature tells you not to watch the test, but to leave the room and come back. But I couldn't take my eyes off it. I was mesmerized and totally fixated on the pale blue plus sign that would change my life.
I didn't believe it.
So, I yelled down the stairs to Lyndsey, for a second opinion. When she got upstairs, I shoved the test at her with fear in my eyes,
"Lyndsey, do you see a plus sign," I said.
"Yep, Nicole, that's a line," she said and paused. "Congratulations."
At that point, I was stunned...and pretty much in denial. I mean, I didn't think it would happen this fast. I just didn't believe it. I thought for sure the test was wrong. I mean, who buys a Target brand pregnancy test anyway....what the heck does Target know about pregnancy tests?!?
So, I made Lyndsey ride with me to the drugstore to buy another, name brand, pregnancy test. The entire ride there, I was trying to convince myself, through trying to convince Lyndsey, that I was NOT pregnant. I also bought a big bottle of water and drank all of it on the way home so I could generate enough urine to repeat the test.
This time, after I took it, I left the bathroom for three minutes. When I returned to check the test, there was a faint pink line this time, instead of a faint blue one, but as Lyndsey assured me, a line nonetheless.
And then she gave me a hug.
But then I had to speed off to another softball game and a husband who was two sheets to the wind and completely unaware of what was to come.
In my daydreams, I always thought the way I would tell my husband I was pregnant was in a very romantic way, with little hints, like a dinner where I served all baby things, like veil (baby cow), baby carrots, etc. Or I would give him a little onesy with the Miami Hurricanes logo on it. Never had I imagined that I would have to ask him if he were drunk.
"Baby, can you meet me in the parking lot," I said, pulling into the parking lot packed with cars and people.
"Sure sweetie. I'll be right out," he said, with a slur in his speech.
The next thing I know, I see him wandering around the parking lot, trying to focus and walk straight.
I walked up to him and said, "Are you drunk," knowing full well he was and knowing full well he'd lie and say he wasn't."
"No," he said, with a smirk on his face. (Admitting to me later that of course he was drunk...he'd been sitting in the sun for 5 hours, with nothing to do).
"Great," I said, almost defeated. "I didn't want to tell you this when you're drunk."
"What? Are you pregnant?"
To that, I just nodded. There was a huge silence where neither of us moved. The he gave me a big hug and a kiss and almost knocked me over.
The next few hours were forgettable...a mix of miscommunications and several wishes on my part that I would have waited to tell him, but I just couldn't. I was too excited.
When we got home, Lyndsey was there and Eric ran to her room and, with a huge smile on his face, started rubbing his belly.
That night, just before bed, he put his hand in mine and put them both over my tummy and said a prayer:
"Dear Lord. If you have blessed us with something growing in here, thank you. We will raise in it your honor and always with you in mind. Dear Lord, please help us be the best parents we can be. Amen."
"Amen," I said, knowing that there is no other person imaginable who I'd want to be the father of this child and no better person to be my partner on life's journey.