Little Scare, but all is well

On Friday morning, Eric said to Guinness: "We'll be back buddy. We're going to get pictures taken of the twins." It was cute. We were on our way to the ultrasound.
Everything was great! Their hearts were beating, which put me at ease because I haven't felt the movements yet that everyone seems to gasp about. Nicky, the ultrasound technician confirmed that we are having a boy and a girl. And, at this point, they weigh in at 1 lb., 3 oz., and 1 lb. 2 oz...perfect size! We saw their little hands move and I cried! They are my little babies and I can't wait to meet them! It was so amazing! They were touching their own heads and hitting each other, which was fun to see. Addison even yawned, but we both missed that.
*****
On Satuday morning, at 4 a.m. I started having these low cramps that were kind of painful..they lasted for a few minutes. I just shrugged it off because the ultrasound went well. But then it happened again at 8 a.m. and then again when I was having lunch with my mom at noon. So I called the babyline and the nurse told me to go to the hospital. I'm sure they tell every expectant mom to do that, to cover their own butts. But I followed her instructions and went.
They hooked me up to a monitor, did a bunch of tests, then the doctor said it was OK for me to have contractions at this point, but not very many, so it was good that I came in. I didn't know I was having contractions. I just knew that it felt very different from all the other pains I have been having.
I was told to take it easy....no walks, no shopping, no exercising, no lifitng, etc. And I have a follow-up doctor appt. tomorrow morning. Hopefully, everything will still be good tomorrow. I want these babies inside as long as possible!!!!!

Mom/Lois

Eric and I went to him mom's house last night for dinner and she surprised us with some gifts. Among them were Eric's baby blanket, his dad's first plate that you fill with hot water to keep the food warm, a Christening outfit and a little cross-stitched plaque that said Eric, 2/20/76, 9 lbs. 6 ozs.
She also told us a story that her mom told her when she was little. It was about a baby who was left on the steps of a church and when the church people found the baby, they knew it was loved because, tucked along side it was a hand-made outfit. So Lois's mom made sure each of her children had a hand-made outfit so they knew they were loved. And then Lois gave us the hand-made outfit. It was all so very sweet.
And she gave us Eric's baby book, which she took lots of time to fill out. It was fun reading the entries and seeing Eric as a little boy....who loved Wena (Lena, his sister, but he couldn't pronounce his Ls. and Choc-ate). It was a really sweet evening.

Information Overload

So....it seems like everything I read tells me something different about what to expect for the birth...it's a little overwhelming. One book says not to worry at all. Another book says the world is going to come to an end and I need to be prepared, which means I need to read about all the horrible things that could go wrong.
Um, I don't need to do that!
What I need is two healthy babies come March...or April. Surprisingly...not really...Eric said, "Look Nicole. No matter what you read, you are going to have to have the babies one way or another, so it doesn't help to worry about it."
Why does he have to be the voice of reason EVERY TIME!!!

Smile for the camera

Here are the first photos of Zajkowski Baby A, whom they think is a girl, and Baby B, which obviously stands for "boy" - hence the arrow...
Each time I look at the grainy images, it's so hard not to think of them as MY babies. Even though they kind of look like little aliens, I just smile.

Quickening

So, for the past few days, I've thought that I've had a lot of butterflies in my tummy. Come to find out, that feeling, called quickening, is the babies moving around! It's pretty neat, now that I know what it is. I just had no idea what to expect as far as feeling the baby "kick," so it's kind of strange, but definitely cool. I guess, in a couple of weeks, there will be no mistaking it, because the babies will really be kicking me all the time....sounds exciting...at least for the first time I feel it!
*****
I got home from basketball practice last night to a bouquet of flowers and a fabulous dinner! Eric is being so wonderful. I know he knows that quitting basketball is tough for me, but necessary for the twins. He's trying to make the transition as smooth as possible. With flowers and dinner like that, I'll do whatever he wants!!!!

Ba-Bye Midwife...we'll miss you

This morning, I had my last appt. with Lois, our midwife. Because the pregnancy is now considered high risk, we have to have a doctor. We're bummed. We loved Lois! It's like we're breaking up or something. We started this journey with her and now it's going to be different. But she promised to check in from time to time....SIGH!
So, it's a little less laid back now. I have another ultrasound on the the 22nd, a doctor's appt. on the 27th and I have to meet with a nutritionist before Christmas too. And I have to have a gestational diabetes test done as well. We have to sign up for a multiples birth class and then Lois's parting words to me were to relax...isn't that funny?
I did hear the babies' heartbeats again this morning and that is still so fabulous! It's the first time their dad wasn't there to hear it with me and I realized that he's such a part of this, it made me a little sad to know that he couldn't be there. But I told the babies that he loved them and he'll be there the next time.
I was also told that I'll probably have to stop coaching basketball at some point, because it's typical for moms pregnant with twins to have to go on bed rest. That'll be hard to give up, even though the girls give me so much grief.
********
Annie and Megs sent me a lullaby CD that is so great!!! There is a quiet version of We Will Rock You and it's our favorite! Thank God for such great friends!
Here's to life's journey....and going forward without Lois.

Babies R Us

OK...so Eric and I decided that we should take a trip to the baby mecca....Babies R Us. I have been coming to terms with the twins and we decided that we should start preparing for them. We should register for some items for a baby shower...simple, right? No big deal, right? Well...wrong! We walked in and there was an entire wall of just bottles!! We both looked at each other and laughed...man, we realized that we are in way over our heads here. But, Eric just decided we should push on. So we just started scanning...two of everything! One pink. One blue. What do we know? We did scan about 1,000 diapers...which we'll need. A co-worker of mine said that babies go through about 1 diaper an hour!?!? That just seems insane to me! So, that's two diapers an hour....almost 50 diapers a day!?!?!? WOW! This is quite the journey!

First trip to Moab

During the week of Thanksgiving, I went on a hiking trip in Moab, Utah. It was planned before the babies were planned. The trip was pretty tough physically, because I didn't feel well, but it was decided that I would feel better if I had a picture with me and the baby (at that point, I didn't know there were two!) So, in the middle of Canyondlands National Park, I bared my belly and took a photo. So, here is the twins' debut...

BIG BIG Surprise

Eric and I had the surprise of our lives on Tuesday, November 28. We had our first ultrasound that day. We had been preparing for it for a long time. We decided not to find out the sex of the baby...but I was getting weak, and I decided I wanted to know. To keep me strong, Eric bought me a shirt to wear to the ultrasound that said, "Not Finding Out."
Once we got there, I hopped up on the table, she lathered my belly with the jelly and the first words out of her mouth I will never forget: So, you're having twins.....the words just sat there, soaking up all the oxygen in the room. Eric and I both started to laugh. We thought for sure this kind lady is just trying to break the ice with a joke. But she assured us that twins is not something to joke about.
I started to sob, scarily thinking two of everything. I looked over at Eric, who was grinning from ear to ear, rejoicing with two of everything!
In that hour-long exam, during which we found out that both Baby A and Baby B are healthy, my mind was flooded with a million thoughts....from two cribs, all the way to two college tuitions....then I came back to the room and saw Eric's smiling face. He was holding my hand and reassuring me that everything would be OK. I wasn't so sure. I still could NOT believe it.....TWINS! They don't run in either of our families. The ultrasound technician said, "It has to start somewhere." I thought to myself, Look lady, don't start with the jokes now. You weren't joking when you told us about the twins!
Eric summed it up the best: "God has a sense of humor." AMEN to that.
When we left the appt., I had to go to basketball practice and I didn't know how I could do it. I saw Marcus and he asked if I was OK. I told him no....I could barely get the words out: We're having twins. He just beamed. He said he was the happiest uncle in the world. The players all wondered why I was crying...when I finally decided to tell them, the hellions turned into little angels for 10 minutes and said things like, "What a blessing from God." I couldn't believe these were my players...it was bizarre.
Now that I've had a couple days to process the whole thing, I realize this: Before Tuesday, I was just a pregnant woman. After Tuesday, I was two babies' mommy. As soon as I saw them moving during the ultrasound, I instantly became maternal....they were MY babies! I want nothing more than to have two healthy babies. So far, so good. One weighs 9 ounces, one weighs 10 ounces.
So....for all that has been, thanks! For all that shall be, YES!

Month-long Hiatus

So, it's been a month since I've updated the blog. Lots has happened in that month. For most of November, I was still so sick...queasy all day long. It was hard to concentrate on anything but feeling icky. I was frustrated. Eric was frustrated. I just didn't think I could be pregnant anymore. I was wondering how other women got through this. I just didn't want to do it anymore.....I would get in my car after work and start crying. I didn't understand why I was still so queasy and just really icky feeling. I decided not to talk about the baby at all. I told myself that if I didn't acknowledge it, it wasn't really there....crazy, I know. But at my last appt., we heard the baby's heartbeat and that helped me feel better...we heard one heartbeat mind you....little would I know that would change.

Turning a corner

I haven't written for a couple of weeks because I've been in such a funk!
I had been feeling so awful...with morning sickness that lasted all day and just being flat-out tired. The Martins came in town for the weekend and the Martins, the Yakeshes and me and Eric were supposed to get together...and it ended up being just Eric because I was feeling so horrible.
I was so out of sorts that I even started to second guess our decision to start a family. I just can't quite relate to those pregnant women who are so happy and so smiley about being pregnant, because I haven't been one of them.
But, now at at 15 weeks, I think I've turned a little corner (insert HUGE sighs and cheers!!!!!).
On Monday, I decided that I was going to the gym after work, no matter what. And I did. And I felt great! I did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine and then some standing ab exercises. And I went again yesterday! I rode the bike for 40 minutes! It was great! The only downside is that I was in bed by 8 p.m. both nights, but it's a start.
I don't want to jinx myself too much, but hopefully, I won't have whole days of "yucky" anymore....just a few waves throughout the day.

C-r-A-z-Y dream

In my dream, the baby had just been born. I was still in the hospital and I was feeding it from a bottle. Then, in a flash of panic, I realized that I was supposed to breast feeding! So, in order to breast feed, I had to detach my boob and soak it in warm water to get the milk flowing. After it soaked, I simply reattached it, and everything worked well....that's as much as I can remember.
And it wasn't painful or traumatic. It just was; very matter of fact.
Very Strange!
*****
I think the nausea is waning....this weekend I felt pretty good. I realized that I got icky waves of nausea when I was tired. So, I need to remember that naps are my friends. Maybe I'm turning a corner.
*****
Baked potatoes are definitely a good thing...they help calm my stomach. Who knew?

Comfort

Today is casual Friday and most everyone wears jeans. And today, I'm wearing maternity jeans. And I can't remember ever feeling more comfortable in a pair of jeans! Why have I been trying to stuff myself into my regular work clothes?
The word is out at work. People have been coming up to me all day saying Congratulations! This is really fun. Everyone is adding their two cents about having babies, and it's been really lovely. One woman told me that her grown up son said to her the other day, "Mom, if you didn't have kids, you'd be rich, huh?" To which she replied, "There is nothing else I would have rather done with my life."
Isn't that so sweet.
Except for the couple waves of nausea and the nap in my car, I'm having a good day. And I think Jackson/Addison is too.

First Craving....

I didn't really think I had any cravings yet, but I do...and it's not a healthy one: McDonald's chicken Mcnuggets!! I know...yuck! I haven't eaten them since junior high, but one day a few weeks ago, they were on the dollar menu and I was starving, so I got them...and they were so good. And yes, I'm well aware that they aren't even made from chicken, but for some reason, they are yummy!! With BBQ sauce...it's like the best meal ever.
I know it's a craving because I tried some chicken nuggets from Wendy's yesterday and they were NOT the same!!! They tasted nasty! So, Jackson/Addison, I'd rather have had you crave lobster or steak or even mac and cheese, but I'll take the little high I get after scarfing down a six-pack...of nuggets!

These boots may be made for walkin', but this body sure ain't

So, I told Eric yesterday that I was going on a walk after work, no matter what. I was determined! I walked into the house and changed clothes, grabbed Guinness and we were off. I didn't feel great, but everything I've read says walking, or exercising will make me feel better...um, don't believe everything you read.
It started off nice. I didn't start breathing hard until, like 6 minutes into the leisurely walk, instead of 5. And then we kept walking and walking and by the end, when Eric went to hold my hand I just screamed, "Don't touch me! I can't hold your hand and walk at the same time."
Irrational, I know, but it was a LONG walk, like 45 minutes.
When I got home, I fell asleep....Eric had to wake me before he left for work...otherwise I'd probably still be sleeping!
But I'm going to try again today. Gotta keep trying, right?
*****
The maternity clothes fairy left a package on my doorstep last night, via the post office, and Cousin Beatryce in Texas. She sent me a huge box of clothes! And they are all so cute! There is this pink velour jogging suit with a top that says BABY in crystals. Jackson's mama is going to be dressed in style...shall we say I'll be fashionably pregnant!!!

Heartbeat

So, the coolest thing happened last Tuesday. Eric and I heard the baby's heartbeat. I was so unprepared for the emotion of it all...I cried and Eric just squeezed my hand. It was SO fast...160 beats a minute. It was like he was saying, "Hi Mom and Dad. I'm doing my best to grow nice and strong and healthy for you!"
Eric said, "Man, I knew something was in there, but hearing the heartbeat was like having him introduce himself to us."
It was really cool, and definitely needed, because the last few weeks have been really tough, for both Eric and me. I'm still battling nausea and Eric has been extremely busy with the club's opening. So, it was a much needed change of pace to be able to hear our baby's heart beating. I think, subconsciously, I relaxed a little bit too, knowing that all is well.

MY RANDON THOUGHTS
My clothes definitely don't fit anymore...but I'm trying. I have two skirts that fit around the tummy...but they are getting shorter and shorter.
*****
Uncle Marcus is really excited, which is really fun. He has lots of nieces and nephews on Shelly's side of the family, but this will be the first Harris/Zajkowski nephew/niece. He's the first person whose actually patted my baby belly...of course, being the sister, I thought he was reaching out to hit me, so when he gently touched Jackson/Addison, I was shocked. But I don't think I would react too kindly if a stranger did that.
*****
Uncle Shane just looked at me and said, "Dang, you're already getting big!" Um, thanks Shane. I know you're 6'3", but I'm pretty sure that me and Jackson/Addison can take you!
*****
Um, I watched a video of a natural birth the other day....yeah, I don't know why I watched it either...and, um, I don't like the way this whole thing's going to end. I really didn't do my research on this saga's ending, and that didn't look like something I'd sign up for. So, I told Eric he could do that part. I'll do this first nine months and he can do, what, a day? I think that's fair!

Fifty bucks

Well, little Mr. Jackson/ Ms. Addison already owes me $50!I probably shouldn't blame an unborn child for it, but I can't think of a better person to blame for the whole in my pants! I tried to zip them back up after I went to the bathroom and guess what? The pants said SIKE and then the zipper ripped away from the pants. Good thing the suit has a jacket and I don't have anymore meetings today.
Everyone tells me that babies are expensive...but come on!

Is there a flood...

I have on a pair of pants today that are too short. They weren't too short the last time I wore them...a few months ago. But now, since I have to hike my pants up over my belly, they get shorter...Mmmmm. It's a little embarassing. I look like Erckle.
I'm feeling pregnant now, which kind of feels like how I feel when I haven't worked out for a week...just fat and blah.
And to top that off, Eric said yesterday, "Baby, you don't look pregnant, you just look puffy."
Imagine his shock when I left the room and slammed the door. He thought he was saying a nice thing....guess that's one more difference between guys and girls.

Enjoying the ride

Today I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed at the notion of becoming a mom/mommy/mamma.
There are already a million things I want to make sure I tell Jackson/Addison.
I want to make sure he knows that long before he was born, his parents loved him almost as much as they loved each other. I want him to know that when his mom was pregnant with him, his parents spent hours just talking about their hopes and dreams for him.
And I also want him to know that neither of his parents have ever done this whole parenting thing before so they are going to make some mistakes. Hopefully those mistakes won't be the HUGE ones that cause lots of pain and damage, but rather little ones, sprinkled throughout his life that we all can learn from and look back on and laugh...I think we all have some of those.
Beccoming a mother makes me realize how damaging my personal weaknesses are and how easy it could be to pass those things on to a child. I will try my darndest not to do that...
I'm just trying to enjoy the ride.

Where did this come from....

On Saturday night, I was getting all dressed up to go out on the town with Steve and Rachel. And, for the first time in our relationship, I was actually the girl when it came to getting ready: I took longer than Eric!
None of my clothes fit! I must have tried on 20 different combinations of shirts, pants, skirts, dresses and sweaters!
Everytime I looked down at my stomach, there it was, front and center! A little baby tummy. I couldn't hide it! And I couldn't believe it.
Eric looked at me and said, "Where did that come from? All of a sudden, you're pregnant."
I'm only nine weeks...how can I already be showing??
I'm used to wearing my pants and skirts just below my belly button, but now, I have to hike them all the way up...like Urkle!!
It was weird. But I finally found an empire-waisted tank top that had a loud print, so it took the emphasis off the baby belly...and onto the girls (if you know what I mean). It's so crazy adjusting to this new body...

Mastering happy hour....

So, one thing I realized: happy hours ain't so happy when you ain't drinkin'. I notice how NOT funny many people are...the same people who actually are funny when I've had a few drinks.
But last Friday, I had to go to a happy hour for one of my colleagues who was leaving. I knew that if I just drank water, everyone would be asking why.
So, Eric came up with a great solution. He ordered me plain cranberry juice with a lime in a martini glass. I felt like part of the group and I actually had a fun time. If I didn't know better, I'd have thought the drink had alcohol in it. In fact, I leaned over to Eric a few times and asked him if there was alcohol in my drink. He looked at me like I had completely lost my mind...poor Eric.
After the happy hour, we went to another party downtown and Eric and I had such a good time! I got all gussied up and he was pretty shocked that I looked so darn cute because I haven't in such a long time.
Jackson must have known that mommy and daddy needed to have a good-ole fun time! And we did!

Four more weeks....

OK...so everyone keeps telling me that the morning sickness will just STOP sometime around 12 weeks. Great! Just four more weeks of this nonsense. I can't wait until it's over because I'm not the happiest mom-to-be right now and I'm starting to feel really guilty about that.
I'm eating whatever seems like it might stop the ickiness in my tummy.....cranberry sauce, refried beans, milk, pickles, cheese, oatmeal, hot chocolate, jell-o...nothing works for very long.
I'm not much fun to be around either and Eric has been so great. I snapped at him yesterday and he said, "I just want my friend back."
I heard him...and I just want my body back...and then I feel bad thinking that. And then I feel awful because I can't workout the way I used to, which makes me feel like crap....
Maybe this week I'll get it all figured out. I keep thinking of the bottom line: a healthy baby. And if it takes all of this yucky stuff to have a healthy baby in April, then it's worth it.

4.27.07

So, we have a preliminary due date: April 27, 2007. We had our first doctor's appointment yesterday and we were really excited at the possibility of hearing the baby's heartbeat. But that didn't happen. We have to wait until October 3 to do that.
But the appointment was two hours long! The midwife, Lois, who I really like, went through a million things with us. It was totally and completely overwhelming...all of the possible things that could/might go wrong. It's truly amazing that healthy babies are born at all. We have a lot of decisions to make as far as the tests we could have done....it's enough to make you freak out...and I would if I wasn't so exhausted and still battling morning sickness.
I did get a prescription for chewable prenatal vitamins, though. I hope that will be the difference.
The whole process is still so exciting and Lois said that I was such a normal case that I could choose whether to stay with the midwives or choose the doctor path. We really hit it off with Lois, so we've decided to stay with the midwives....I mean, she actually called me slender, which made her my new best friend of course!!!

Baby Guinness

Well, Jackson was a doozy yesterday. I got up for work...and got right back into bed. It was the worst day yet as far as sickness...(I'm not even going to say Morning Sickness because that's a flat out lie!)
So, Eric went to work and left me with Guinness. All day long, Guinness followed me around, which he never does. If I was laying on the couch, he was laying on the floor next to me. If I was laying in bed, he jumped up and laid right on top of me (I didn't have the energy to tell him no. Plus, he's so darn cute!)
Eric thinks Guinness can sense the baby...I don't know about that, but he's certainly acting strangely. It's like he's looking for the baby and can't find him. I think he thinks I'm hiding something from him. It's pretty funny.

I didn't realize those heels were so narrow....

It's fun to see my parents' reactions to me being pregnant.
My dad will often bend over and talk to Jackson, AKA my stomach. I hope he doesn't do it in public before I start showing, because then people will just think he's crazy...more crazy I should say. But I did appreciate him scolding Jackson for making Mama sick.
My mom is so funny. Like yesterday, I went to their house after work to sew some curtains and when I left, she actually told me to be careful on the front steps and then told me that I shouldn't be wearing the shoes I had on because "you're a mom-to-be and those heels are too narrow."
When did I stop being the young professional whose clothes she liked and become the soon-to-be mom whose shoes are just not appropriate any longer?
It's cute...strange and odd, but cute nonetheless.

Bridezilla's got nothin' on me

So, I know there's something called a Bridezilla. I was not one of them, as several people told me.
BUT, I bet one very important person, Eric, would tell you that if there is such a thing as a "Mom-to-be-zilla," my picture would be in the dictionary.
I just can't figure it all out, and I'm the type of person who likes to have EVERYTHING figured out. I'm not really one of those go-with-the-flow people, unless I'm on vacation.
I'm not feeling very well, which is the biggest problem. I'm finding that little things take more time and energy than they used to and I stress about them because I feel like, when the baby is born, all of the little things will have bigger implications.
My mind is swimming with thoughts and last Saturday I hit my head on an open cabinet door, which hurt like H-E-double hockey sticks (I'm trying to work on the whole swearing thing, lest I give birth to a sailor)! I wondered how on Earth I will be a good mom when I'm so clumsy that I hit my head on an open cabinetdoor...what if I forgot to do something important and the baby gets hurt?
I guess it's just a lot to think about, and I'll get it all figured out at some point.
Eric, I'm sorry. I love you very much!

What if it's not a Jackson

On our jog last night, Eric and I discussed the possibility that our precious Jackson might be an Addison...and what if she finds out that we thought and expected her to be a boy the whole time I was pregnant.
Would she be harmed emotionally? Would she be mad at us? Would she feel unwanted?
These are questions that I don't ever want to answer.
But I gave it a shot.
I told Eric, "Simple. We just won't tell her about the blog until she's 18, well-adjusted and happy."
I think he laughed for half a mile........

...This ain't too much fun

OK...so I'm really over this whole morning sickness thing. I spend most of every day being queasy and it's NOT fun. And it's not only in the morning. If I see one more Saltine cracker, I think I'm going to scream!
Last night, when I got home from work, and saying See You Later to Sashi, I decided to try something other than food to tame my tummy - jogging. I mean, pre-Jackson, exercising was a great cure-all for lots of things, so I wanted to find out if it also works for morning sickness.
I think Eric was a little tentative about it, especially after 60 seconds of warm-up WALKING, because I was already breathing hard...his face said, "Holy crap woman, are you going to die?" But his mouth simply said, "Are you OK?"
I was actually feeling pretty good. I mean, I was moving very slowly, but moving nonetheless. Guinness looked at me a little crazy too, like, "Come ON lady. Who are you?"
Eric and I split up halfway into the run...so he could actually run for awhile. I took Guinness and we headed home.
And then the rain started...Guinness and I got pelted with either hard rain or tiny hail bits. Either way, I thought for sure we were going to get struck by lightening on our trudge through the woods and over the train tracks back home.
But we made it. And I felt OK. I made dinner, hung some pictures and stayed up until after 10 p.m.
BUT....about 1:15 a.m. I thought I was going to puke - news flash right. I laid there and waited until I felt like I could make it to the kitchen without first stopping at the toilet. I poured myself a bowl of Frosted Flakes (thanks to Lyndsey who left them behind when she went back to school), and went back to bed.
I got up every hour after that to go potty and before I knew it, it was time to get up for work.
I did read in my pregnancy book that morning sickness is a sign of a healthy pregnancy. So, bottom line, it's worth it!

Daddy-to-be

Last night, when I got home from Denver, I thought Eric was pregnant. I didn't feel good, so long about 8 p.m. I crawled into bed...as did he....and who do you think was asleep before 9??? You guessed it. The Daddy-to-be! If he wasn't so darn cute, I might have been mad (SMILE!)

Denver

Well, Jackson took his first trip on an airplane -- in utero! He handled himself well for the most part. Mama was a little nervous about the plane ride, but everything was OK!
He even met mamma's friends Lynnea and Annemarie. But we had to delay our dinner with Annemarie because Jackson must have been too nervous to meet her....he made Mamma sick...again!
I had to tell Annemarie over the phone that I'm pregnant, instead of in person like I was hoping...I mean, I had to explain to her why I couldn't come over for dinner. I thought telling her I just didn't feel good wouldn't cut it.
She was excited about the baby!
When I did finally see Annemarie, she and I called Megs and told her, which was fun! The three of us are planning a girls weekend and Megs was hoping for Miami or New Orleans, but Annemarie decided Minneapolis, and helping me with the nursery would be good. How thoughtful. And next year, when she's pregnant, we'll do the same in Denver.
*******
Lynnea and I quickly realized that we are going to have to scale down our hiking trip in November. She, Faye and I have been planning the trip for almost a year, but hiking 12 miles in a day is just not going to work for me and the bambino. She was SO excited too, and was more than willing to change it.
*******
I think Jackson is going to be stubborn. On my first day of class, I forgot to pack a granola bar for a mid-morning snack, so when lunchtime came around, I was ravenous! I took a few bites of the spaghetti, and Jackson immediately let me know how he felt about that! He either doesn't like Italian food, or he was getting back at me because he was so hungry and I didn't feed him. Um, point taken Jackson.

The score: Jackson 300, Mama 0

I'm in week 5, and Jackson is the size of an apple seed. But he's starting to grow all of his organs, which is just plain wild!

Keep the food comin....

9:30 a.m.
Exactly three hours since I ate breakfast of cottage cheese on toast and some bubbly Sprite, I thought I was going to throw up. It came on instantly! But I'm getting smarter, and I had a chewy granola bar at the ready. I ate it and now I'm doing fine. Little Jackson is a stickler for food, boy. He's not even born yet and already he's dictating what I will and will not do.....hello new world.

12:10 p.m.
I went to get some lunch....decided to get some chili from Wendy's. There was something interesting on MPR, so I parked my car in the parking lot and before I knew it, it was 12:34 p.m....I had fallen asleep.

5:30 p.m.
Went to Walgreen's and bought another pregnancy test, just to make sure I was still pregnant. The blue plus sign showed up strong. Without having a doctor confirming it, I just feel like it can't be real...so I take the small joys in life.

King Mutt

Last night, Eric and I rendezvoused at 1009 Russell to tell my parents the good news. We had a very small window of opportunity because Eric had a softball double header and was leaving at 5 p.m. and my parents were going out for the evening at 6 p.m....so we had, like 15 minutes, from 4:45 to 5 p.m.
When I got there, my mom was on the phone with Triple A, disputing a charge. And if I know my mom, that call was going to last awhile. She would get the whole thing resolved before she even thought about ending the call.
I just said, "Mom, can you please hang up."
And she did....who knew?
I dragged her into the livingroom, where my dad and Eric were sitting and I said, "We have a secret."
They just stared at me, like, um, what? So I said, "I'm pregnant!"
It took a second to register...I think. Then my mom said...well, actually, I can't remember what she said, if anything. She started to cry and I remember saying to her, "Are those happy tears?" And she said they were.
Of course the first thing my dad said was, "Does this mean you can't coach basketball?"
"Dad, I'm having a baby," I said. "I'm not dying."
In his eyes, as long as I was still able to coach, it was cool with him.
They gave us both big hugs and we went home.
* * *
When Eric left for the softball games, I took Guinness for a walk. I wasn't planning on taking Guinness, but Eric said I had to because he would protect me (read: the baby).
I had huge ideas of taking him for a LONG, 45-minute walk. But we got to my parents house and I was pooped. I mean, TY-URD! I can NOT believe how tired I was/am. I'm used to doing an hour of cardio and weights and feeling fabulous. Since when does a 10-minute walk exhaust me....this is a change.
I decided to cut the walk short. I went down the alley and was going to head back home. But I forgot about the BIG, HUGE giant of a dog that lives at the end of the alley, that is, until he ran at us, barking. I jumped and my key ring broke. My house key and car key flew to the pavement, and positioned themselves right underneath the dog.
Are you kidding me!!!
This was a problem. The dog wouldn't move.
I ran, yes, ran back to 1009 Russell and banged on the door. My mom came out with a broom. She held Guinness while I swept my keys away from King Mutt.
When I finally got home from my oh-so-stressfree walk, I was ready for a nap.
This will definitely take some getting used to.

I can't wait until September First!

So, I waited until this morning to make a doctor's appointment, because I had to....I found out you can't make your first ob/gyn appointment during the weekend via the appointment hotline.
I just don't think it'll really sink in until someone official tells me I'm pregnant.
I found out this morning that it's not going to sink in until September 1, apparently, because the doctor won't see me until I'm eight to 12 weeks pregnant and the first available appoint is September 1.
Well, that was a shocker! I mean, what am I supposed to do in the meantime. I started taking prenatal vitamins, but I wasn't sure about the medications I'm taking. Some face time with the doctor would really help calm me down.
Yesterday, when I woke up, I took another pregnancy test, just in case....it was positive. Eric and I were giddy all day long. And I was EXHAUSTED! At about 5 a.m., though, I nudged Eric and asked if he would get me a piece of bread because my stomach was unsettled....man, it was the best piece of bread I've ever eaten! We decided we weren't going to tell anyone, but that was really tough. Both of our moms were out of town, but Eric's mom got home so we went over to her house and told her. She gave us both big hugs and said it was really cool (It didn't even bother me that she said it was so soon or that she didn't know if we would ever have children because we like our freedom....talk about freaking out!)
Then we cut some beautiful flowers from her garden and and went home.
This morning, the nurse told me that the pregnancy test(s) I took at home are the same as the one that I'll take at the doctor's office, "So Congratulations!"
That was crazy, and it started to sink in. I had a HUGE smile on my face after that and someone at work asked me why I was so happy! I told her that I had a huge headache and I wasn't having a good day, so I shouldn't be smiling....and she said, "I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant."
I tried to laugh that off....how could she have possibly known. I don't want anyone from work to know yet.
It's like I have this secret that no one else knows about... This amazing little secret that everyone keeps telling me is the coolest thing in the world. Let's hope so!

Lyndsey, can you come here for a second...

So, on Saturday, after our 8 a.m. softball game, during which I misjudged a fly ball in left centerfield, and it flew over my head, I knew something just wasn't right. Plus the fact that for the past week, I've had several near misses with the toilet and trash can as waves of queasiness came over me.
After both the game and taking my anger out on Eric, I decided to leave him at the bar, go home and take a pregnancy test.
When Eric and I got married last October, I told him that I needed five days on the beach before I would think about having his babies...In July, he surprised me with an unbelievably pampered trip to Jamaica. So it was time.
I bought two-pack of Target brand pregnancy tests a couple weeks earlier. When I got home from the softball game, I took the test and watched for three minutes as a blue plus sign, indicating I was pregnant, emerged, ever so faintly. All of the literature tells you not to watch the test, but to leave the room and come back. But I couldn't take my eyes off it. I was mesmerized and totally fixated on the pale blue plus sign that would change my life.
I didn't believe it.
So, I yelled down the stairs to Lyndsey, for a second opinion. When she got upstairs, I shoved the test at her with fear in my eyes,
"Lyndsey, do you see a plus sign," I said.
"Yep, Nicole, that's a line," she said and paused. "Congratulations."
At that point, I was stunned...and pretty much in denial. I mean, I didn't think it would happen this fast. I just didn't believe it. I thought for sure the test was wrong. I mean, who buys a Target brand pregnancy test anyway....what the heck does Target know about pregnancy tests?!?
So, I made Lyndsey ride with me to the drugstore to buy another, name brand, pregnancy test. The entire ride there, I was trying to convince myself, through trying to convince Lyndsey, that I was NOT pregnant. I also bought a big bottle of water and drank all of it on the way home so I could generate enough urine to repeat the test.
This time, after I took it, I left the bathroom for three minutes. When I returned to check the test, there was a faint pink line this time, instead of a faint blue one, but as Lyndsey assured me, a line nonetheless.
And then she gave me a hug.
But then I had to speed off to another softball game and a husband who was two sheets to the wind and completely unaware of what was to come.
In my daydreams, I always thought the way I would tell my husband I was pregnant was in a very romantic way, with little hints, like a dinner where I served all baby things, like veil (baby cow), baby carrots, etc. Or I would give him a little onesy with the Miami Hurricanes logo on it. Never had I imagined that I would have to ask him if he were drunk.
"Baby, can you meet me in the parking lot," I said, pulling into the parking lot packed with cars and people.
"Sure sweetie. I'll be right out," he said, with a slur in his speech.
The next thing I know, I see him wandering around the parking lot, trying to focus and walk straight.
I walked up to him and said, "Are you drunk," knowing full well he was and knowing full well he'd lie and say he wasn't."
"No," he said, with a smirk on his face. (Admitting to me later that of course he was drunk...he'd been sitting in the sun for 5 hours, with nothing to do).
"Great," I said, almost defeated. "I didn't want to tell you this when you're drunk."
"What? Are you pregnant?"
To that, I just nodded. There was a huge silence where neither of us moved. The he gave me a big hug and a kiss and almost knocked me over.
The next few hours were forgettable...a mix of miscommunications and several wishes on my part that I would have waited to tell him, but I just couldn't. I was too excited.
When we got home, Lyndsey was there and Eric ran to her room and, with a huge smile on his face, started rubbing his belly.
That night, just before bed, he put his hand in mine and put them both over my tummy and said a prayer:
"Dear Lord. If you have blessed us with something growing in here, thank you. We will raise in it your honor and always with you in mind. Dear Lord, please help us be the best parents we can be. Amen."
"Amen," I said, knowing that there is no other person imaginable who I'd want to be the father of this child and no better person to be my partner on life's journey.